Comic books are vital to the survival of mankind.
As the mightiest task-masters of a sweaty world devoid of sleep, love, or social skills, comics incessantly beat on the drum that beckons us weekly to place small, green bills into the pasty and hyper-knowledgeable hands of the Golfshirt-Tucked-into-Sweatpants-Man, who we call the comic shop owner.
We do so with satisfaction. As members of an addict culture without a cure (except for maturing to adulthood, which we dismissed, like so many Rob Leifield Lithographs), we strongly support the reading, collecting, and hoarding of comic books. We understand that the addiction weighs you down, until you are hopeless - a shell of a man wandering through the dark Gothams and Metropoli of the mind. At Near Mint Minus, we offer you a brief respite from your baleful, nerdish woes. Remember that these reviews are subjective and reflect the views of the NMM staff only, therefore it is incumbant upon oyu as the reader to read these books, and to judge for yourself, or God himself will judge you.
Read, laugh, cry, gnash, shake fists at your computer, spit, and repeat. Enjoy it while you can. Next Wednesday is closer than you think. Near Mint Minus News in Briefs: The Near Mint Minus staff will be attending Wondercon 2005, press-badges and cameras in hand, to offer you the latest scoop on what’s happening in the comic industry. We will be handing out our new handy-dandy business cards and a couple of our shirts! We hope to see some of you there (those with outstanding retraining orders be warned: we will prosecute). We now have business cards and T-Shirts available. Remember to checkout the forums page and register. It’s a free forum for: buying and selling comics and comic collections; obtaining your own free nearmintminus.com email account forwarded to an existing account; posting your own reviews and insights; and berating the Near Mint Minus reviewers for their silly, mad-cap antics, and basic, sublevel genius. Six whole weeks! I bet our single reader out there, Bob, can hardly believe that six weeks of his life has been sucked away reading the random and blundering meanering of the NMM staff. The site is getting bigger everyday. Check out the News, Collectors, Etc. via our home-page. Just click on the gaping mouth to see press releases, inane archives, and more. If you want to view all of our silliness from day one, check out the “Week by Week” section on the sidebar, or go to our Review Archives. ANNOUNCEMENT: We are (or should be) now on Google! Soon we will be on Yahoo! Then, my friends, we will take over the world! Also we have now added two new Staff Members to the Site! Check out the review of Uncanny X-Men by "Goodnight" and watch for Wondercon photos and upcoming reviews by "Robotics"! Thanks for checking out the site! We hope your jowells ache from the laughter, and that your brains swell with as you are exposed to the ancient arts of verbage, sarcastic mastery, and stupendous insolence. |
This Week's Madness * WARNING * The following reviews are meant to be humorous and may be found to contain sarcasm, dubious associations, groundless opinions, and senseless rebukes for the sole purpose of entertainment (if not yours, then ours) all of which are substances known by the State of California to be harmful to your work-ethic, and may cause malignant tumors of laughter. Caution advised while reading.
This Book Must Not Be Ignored!!
The crew is back! This second volume is sure to please with more plot twists than M Knight Shamalyan can squeeze into two hours of cinimatic expression. You have to read this book in order to live through this month. If you don't you will die when you are forced to auction off your putrid soul just to come up with the massive truck loads of gold boulian necessary to purchase this item as a back-issue. Can you afford to lose your soul? You already have? Well then what about your pride? Trust me, it's next. You will be hanging your plucked-bearded face in horrifying and painful misery as you attempt to buy this book from your fourteen year old second cousin who will only sell it to you through Ebay because business is business. In the end, it is all up to you, but don't say I didn't point at you and laugh. |
