Inane Discussion Nine:

"Things You Should Like, and Other Things That Should Bring Shame to You and Your Family"

Peblee: So, what was your favorite comic this week?

Fumanchu: Good old Atomika. Breach and Shining Knight were both good, but still Atomika.

Peblee: And why?

Fumanchu: It was really well written. Could be a novel or something. The way it was illustrated too was totally weird, but still was so good. This kid narrates about the whole beginning of everything, and how it was like a dream that was great and terrible at the same time. And, everything is taking place in this huge mechanical city that is like Midgard, but mechanical not modern. It is a really amazing story involving the dead and huge monsters, the KGB, and the Soviet Empire. So good. It ends up with a guy that has the power of a thousand suns. He could totally kill Superman.

Peblee: Sounds cool, but Superman gets his power from the sun, you know? So wouldn’t it just make Superman, like, a thousand times stronger to fight this guy?

Fumanchu: They didn’t say he was like a sun, just that he has the strength of a thousand of ‘em.

Peblee: So, what does that mean? What does he do? Flare-up?

Fumanchu: I don’t know they didn’t show him burning or catching fire yet.

Peblee: Does he get a massive hemorrhoid flare-up? Is it a thousand times hotter than your run-of-the-mill flare-up?

Fumanchu: Yeah. They burst with the fury of a thousand suns.

Peblee: So, lets talk about Breach. I want to say, told you so.

Fumanchu: What did you tell me?

Peblee: Not just you, but the readers, too. I said that the JLA were going to have to take notice of this fella.

Fumanchu: But it looks like he’s going to try and be a good guy, at least. At least he’s made that decision.

Peblee: Yeah, at least, I think so. But, he hasn’t been confronted by Talia yet. She can be mighty persuasive. And he isn’t that stable yet, is he.

Fumanchu: I’m just saying. You know, his evil side could take over, but for the moment he is trying to be a good guy.

Peblee: I wish that he would become somewhat stable so that we could just find out what really happened.

Fumanchu: Either that, or just become stable enough to at least be touched by someone.

Peblee: Like…on the dong?

Fumanchu: Yeah…I mean, he needs some lovin’, obviously. He’s really stressed out. But, why did his eyes change colors when he took off his outfit? It didn’t have eyeball covers.

Peblee: I don’t know. Maybe he just got angry.

Fumanchu: It is really convenient for interdimensional monsters’ and robots’ eyes to turn colors to show they’re evil.

Peblee: Like when Bzarro Spock used to get that Van Dyke facial hair thing.

Fumanchu: It’s really just helpful. If you ever see any of these types with sunglasses because automatically they’re up to no good.

Peblee: Automatically they are more one-dimensional, interdimensional characters.

Fumanchu: On a side note. You know that the only man to ever beat Bruce Lee in his prime was Chuck Norris.

Peblee: No way. You’re kidding. Now I’m going to have to stop turning people into cartoon versions of him. They might actually do some damage. (see bio page)

Fumanchu: Shining Knight was competing hard for my pick of the week.

Peblee: Yeah, that book was awesome, but my vision is too limited to see how Justin is going to hook up with the other seven soldiers, or even get out of jail, if not for all of the multitude of possible and plausible reasons, then just the language barrier alone.

Fumanchu: I think it will all lie within the actions of the seven mystery dudes. They will come and get him out, and they probably even speak his language.

Peblee: I like that theory. But, didn’t they just leave?

Fumanchu: So maybe they set it into motion before they left, or maybe they are going to get that cauldron, or already have it, and they are going to use it to do stuff.

Peblee: I don’t know, but like you said in your review, regardless of what it is that makes a book so compelling, this book and the last one are both excellent.

Fumanchu: How did you like that guy, who was riding the spider and was just a smile and outer space?

Peblee: That guy was cool. I like when he told Lancelot to tell his men to back down, or else “become food for my spider mare.”

Fumanchu: Yeah. Even though their from the Dimension of The Vampire Sun, in the Land of Summer’s End, they still speak the same language and name their stuff the same things.

Peblee: I know. Why they didn’t say: “or goggath my jukandog.”?

Fumanchu: ……………………………….

Peblee: You know?

Fumanchu: I know…I think jukandog is a dirty name in their language.

Peblee: Now we come to the best part of the eve, that hot new gem of a comic that everyone is stampeding to get to, Wolverine:Soultaker. Your thoughts?

Fuamchu: Jim Lee should hide his face in shame……………..especially if he drew it.

Peblee: Go get your book. We gotta go through this one.

Fumanchu: You aren’t going to have enough time to do all of this with everything else we’ve talked about.

Peblee: I’ll cut up everything else. I’ll make it fit, but this one – this one we’re goin page by page.

Fumanchu: Isn’t it a shame that the cover art is so good?

Peblee: It is a shame to the purchaser of the book, but it is a greater shame to the artist who drew the whole rest of the comic because it is setting him up for failure.

Fumanchu: That is probably one of the best Wolverine covers that I’ve seen in my whole life. He looks sooo mean, almost like a bad guy.

Peblee: Okay: first page, the comb-over guy is just weird, but look at the second page. Look at his hands in his…pockets? I don’t know where they are.

Fumanchu: With his elbows all out?

Peblee: Yeah like he’s courting two ghosts.

Fumanchu: Notice the change of nose cell to cell.

Peblee: And, what is he doing, saluting? When he walks underneath that curtain that is just the right size for annoyance.

Fumanchu: Look at her arm on that next page over. It is like a little chicken wing.

Peblee: It’s like the haunch of a dog, like the artist was looking at a picture of how to draw and accidentally turned the page from “thief girl” to “dog.” Okay, wait. Turn back a page. See that last picture of Wolverine where it says “Logan!”? See that little crumb in the air by the bottom of his beard? Pay attention to it. Now look at the next page. See it again?

Fumanchu: He’s shedding. Now, look at him pouring her sake.

Peblee: I know! That is one of the weirdest things I have ever seen. It is awful.

Fumanchu: Now observe, she toasts him while yelling at him.

Peblee: I know, and look, he is like HRRRRRRMMMMM. And there is the crumb again. I think he is smelling it.

Fumanchu: I love how sometimes it looks like he has a full beard.

Peblee: Yeah, with a crumb next to it.

Fumanchu: That’s his soul.

Peblee: That necklace is so obviously Muromachi period.

Fumanchu: I know, Logan’s become an antique dealer.

Peblee: Okay. You know that one of the things which makes the wise friend so wise is that he has two elbows on his right arm, and one elbow is shaped like a butt. Look! His arm bends in two places!

Fumanchu: Also his head seems to have gotten squashed when he was a kid. Somebody put it in a vice. And look, the poor guy is crying when he sees the necklace. He is like the American Indian seeing the trash.

Peblee: Now he is angry and shouting at that crumb.

Fumanchu: When he shouts his head gets squashier.

Peblee: What is the crumb?

Fumanchu: I don’t know but in that scene, if he just had a little red hat with an M on it he would be Mario.

Peblee: Yeah, Jedi Mario.

Fumanchu: I think in the squatting scene Wolverine is taking a poo.

Peblee: Let’s do this, right on your floor.

Fumanchu: Let’s take the ceremonial dump before we get started. Oh, man, look when the guy dies and he laments his squashed head.

Peblee: How does the necklace make him fall over?

Fumanchu: I don’t know, but more importantly how did the necklace lift him up off the ground, throw him into the air and make him fall completely sideways down to the ground? I mean, he didn’t fall over from his feet.

Peblee: He fell from 30,000 feet, only to grow an extra large beard.

Fumanchu: It took him so long to reach the ground.

Peblee: He was at terminal velocity for days without a razor. Oh man, look. She was so ashamed of that guys squashed head that she covered it up.

Fumanchu: It probably squashed away to nothingness.

Peblee: So corny.

Fumanchu: I know.

Peblee: We haven't gotten a gem like this in a long time. Once again though, I want to say that it was a total disservice to the main artist using a fool-the-customer cover. It made him look like a total crappo.

Fuamcnhu: He is a total crappo. No offence to crappos. .....Sorry if I offended him and his piss-poor work.

Peblee: I feel sorry for his mom.

Fumanchu: Why, she probably did the artwork for him.

Peblee: He needs to pray more.

Fumanchu: He needs to ask God for talent.

Peblee: He needs to because he is not cuttin' it right now.

Fumanchu: I think he is getting his talent from Satan.

Peblee: Yeah, he was like, "You'll make a book with a book-selling cover! Now, all I need is ... your soul!"

Fumanchu: He was like, "I'll give you the ability to misrepresent the human body..."

Peblee: You know what? We are probably really offending him because he probably is really like a master artist who

Fumanchu: Who really did have his mom do the work on this one.