Inane Discussion Eleven:

"How Morrison Attacked and Moore Surrendered His Booty"

Peblee: Hey Fu, I just had a great idea. Let’s talk about the non-trendy comics – namely Hypothetical Lizard and, from the 7 Soldiers series, The Manhattan Guardian.

Fumanchu: I’m a nonconformist, and I refuse to comply with this anti- establishmentarianism.

Peblee: Okay. But, let’s talk about the Pirates of the Subterranean. Was Johny Depp in this one?

Fumanchu: No Johny Depp, but we should talk about them anyway.

Peblee: Adam Durritz did well as Soapy. And, did you notice that No Beard had two light bulb earrings?

Fumanchu: Yeah, and they’re on. Also, there is something weird, in that both times when there is a big group of pirates, those with No Beard and those with All Beard, it is just the same group of pirates.

Peblee: I like No Beard’s name because usually someone is named for what they have, not for something they don’t have. Then there is All Beard. That name makes me think of that orange hair monster that fought Bugs Bunny in Loony Toons.

Fumanchu: I really think that he (Morrison) is trying to be funny. For example, there is a pirate with a suit tie around his head instead of a bandana, and on his belt he is displaying a collection of cell phones from the businessmen he has robbed.

Peblee: Then there’s the guy with credit card earrings.

Fumanchu: Yeah and check out the guy dragging that businesswoman by her hair, he must want investment tips.

Peblee: Ha. Obviously.

Fumanchu: Sweet, sensual investment tips.

Peblee: Look at the dude with the pigeon-feathers on his head – and all those watches.

Fumanchu: I know, he thinks he’s Captain America.

Peblee: He’s the Asguardian.

Fumanchu: I like how No Beard Has two hooks for hands.

Peblee: So, what did you think of hat Golem with the Hebrew on its forehead?

Fumanchu: All Golems have Hebrew on their foreheads.
Peblee: And, all Germans hate Golems.

Fumanchu: Yes. Obviously.

Peblee: So, the guy, the hero guy? He won himself a really sorry looking suit, didn’t he?

Fumanchu: I like his golden man-helmet.

Peblee: His Trojan-Wear?

Fumanchu: They should have called him The Manhattan Penetrator…………..Now, look at the cover. Picture a bunch of kids on a hot summer day. They run out of Koolaid, and they’re like “Oh No!”

Peblee: “Oh Yeeeeah!”

Fumanchu: Oh my goodness, Don King is a pirate!

Peblee: I think it is George Clinton and the pirates around him are the Parliament Funkadelic.

Fumanchu: Look. One of the Pfunk guys is kicking No Beard’s books. He’s like, “We don’t take kindly to readers, down here.”

Peblee: So, let’s talk about Hypothetical Lizard.

Fumanchu: Okay.

Peblee: Yeah…That’s a dirty comic.

Fumanchu: Ask me what I thought about it.

Peblee: What’d you think about it?

Fumanchu: I think it was the best comic that made me cry tears of confused desperation, ever.

Peblee: I think it is the best comic that made me cry out of my stomach, right up out of my throat, and right down into the toilet, ever.

Fumanchu: The only comics that made me cry more were Wolverine: Soultaker, and my own one-shot, entitled: Dead Puppies.

Peblee: I just think that Allan Moore is trying to go too far, be too weird, just for the sake of it.

Fumanchu: I just really think he’s a dirty, dirty man. Look at him/her on that chair.

Peblee: That’s not Allan Moore, that’s a character.

Fumanchu: Allan Moore wrote it!

Peblee: He has a long history of pushing the envelope.

Fumanchu: Yeah, behind him/her….you know, I have respect for Allan Moore, but he’s just a gross man. He’s a great writer, but I wouldn’t leave him alone with my children.

Peblee: This comic is awful. Let’s talk about something good. Let’s talk about Conan.

Fumanchu: Conan was sooooo good.

Peblee: You know what was so cool? Conan cared for the safety and well-being of that guy, Davo. But, in the moment when they were both wrapped up in that monster thing, and he found Davo was the sort of heart of the monster, he took full pleasure in hacking him dead.

Fumanchu: I thought that it was great because it was a battle between gods and their servants and Conan just jumped in with a pointy piece of metal….and no shirt…just a knobby, knobby brow.

Peblee: You should read the New Avengers 4, it was the first one that I thought was well written.

Fumanchu: Better than Soultaker?

Peblee: Somehow, yes.