Peblee

Name: Matthew Mahan

Alias: Grand Master Wizard of Peblestein

A simpleton by birth, GMWP “Peblee” grew up in the southern corridor of the large Hamburger-Conglomerate building. Trained by a rat that somehow knew the ancient art of hyperbole, Peblee soon learned the 53,461 meanings of the word: SKRAAAAANCH. When he became old enough, he went outside where he learned to fear the sunlight and non-circulated air systems. Eventually, he was able to spawn an entire universe out of his mind which, although small and devoid of even a single star, he claims that it holds countless spherical bodies known as “SKRAAAAANCH.” The US Army’s Research and Development branch is currently searching the face of the globe looking for this fiendish moron. There’s just one place they haven’t yet looked, a place called SKRAAAAANCH.

Powers:

Uncanny Heckling – capable of contacting the same person up to 53,461 times in a single instant. Happily lords over the radiating wave frequencies cherished by cell-phone users.

Will-to-Live-Drain – Beware of this ability. It will cause certain individuals to see their lives as forfeit. It is part of the ancient SKRAAAAANCH wisdom, and must therefore be regarded with extreme disbelief.

SKRAAAAANCH – Comprised of 53,461 possible combos, SKRAAANCH is the hyperbolic center-axis upon which spins the woes that come to those unfortunate enough to encounter a Grand Master Wizard of Peblestein; wherein one might become anything from a chode-headed fool, to a ridiculous cartooned version of the very real Chuck Norris.

Current Status:

A language student somewhere in the vicious jaws of Limbo, Peblee spends his time learning to harness secret winds of fortune which are destined to call doom and destruction down upon the heads of those he calls Fumanchu and The Darkman. He also spends his time reading, gargling root-beer, plotting innumerable demises, and the eventual implosion of this particular venture known as “capitalism-in-heat.”

Comic Collection Info:

Ever seeking out the finality which will one day be the entire run of Batman, Peblee also enjoys the other fellows down at Time Warner (previously DC Comics), including Superman, Green Lantern, Green Arrow, and Hawkman. Conan is probably the best comic book out right now, he thinks to yourself. As for Marvel, this deified, sub-genius practitioner of prestidigitation is very fond of the Ultimate U’s X-Men and Fantastic Four, with a soft spot for Ultimates itself. There are many other books in the money-pit that has become his monthly readings, but these will be revealed throughout the eons of stoic, humorless reviews stamped upon the brow of this website like an evil 3 numbered combo.

STATS:

Defense: 19 (+8 if attacker is Michael Turner, Jerry Bruckheimer, or that artist from Spider-Man/Human Torch)
Attack: 53,461 (- 53,450 if attacker is the rat from the southern corridor of the Hamburger-Conglomerate building)
Strength: 16
Constitution: United States of America
Dexterity: 1 (+53,460 if using cell phone)